Monday, February 7, 2011

The Big Game

“Welcome back to our live coverage of The-Ford-F1200-Super-Charged-Series-Avalanche/Crossover-Super-Bowl-42 at the Sony-FlatWave-Technology-Georgia-Dome™ in downtown Atlanta, Georgia. We’re talking to Dr. Herbert Grazenschlosser; head of Organic Bio Chemistry of Agriculture at the University of Lincoln Nebraska. Hello Dr. Grazenschlosser.”


“Doctor, can you tell us a little bit about the grass on the field tonight?”

“Well it’s a hybrid blend of two grass strains commonly used in NFL stadiums and a revolutionary new strain of high alkaline PolyAlkaIonNitrate Grass™.”

“Tell us Doctor what does that mean for tonight’s game (nodding in concurrence with a deeply knitted brow)?”

“Well Tikki, it means that the grass is going to be tougher, lighter, and rougher. Traditional grass is heavier and smoother which causes the cleats to grip into the blades with less traction and less grip. But, with the revolutionary new Synthetic-Cross-Germination-Technology® and addition of PolyAlkaIonNitrate Grass™or “P.L.A.I.N. Grass,” the poly fiber cleat gains more grip on the blades allowing for more torque; essentially giving the football player a faster, more powerful game on the ground.”

“Thank you Doctor and enjoy the game tonight. Well folks there you have it, I’m no chemical engineer and the grass may not be greener but it certainly ‘might be better.’ Now lets take a look at The-Gatorade-3-Calorie-CoolMyst-Athletic-Beverage-Lineup™ for tonight’s game before taking a break from our sponsors.”


Lavin said...

My comment pertains to the Iceman's new profile picture. He looks like a meathead. Not so much smart and serious.

Iceman said...